Fighting Inside

We will never see that colour again

2010-07-12T02:00:00.003-04:00

Those forgotten words
silently became the shadow
that covered your shining.

Now you are closer to the edge,
take a look inside yourself
and suddenly you are falling
to the embrace of darkness.

Behold the memories
of the person you used to be,
that one who decided to
disappear for any reason.

(Because, as I´ve said before, life teaches us a lot of hard lessons)

Fighting outside

2010-03-16T00:02:00.004-04:00

Inside: There´s nothing left to say. (At least for a while).

2009-11-01T00:14:00.003-04:00

The struggle continues...

Fear sleeps inside you

2009-02-04T21:45:00.003-05:00

Listen to the melodies of silence
awaking from your dreams,
the shadows of your hurtful secrets
brought this misterious feeling
which obscured slowly the night.

Listen to the melodies of silence
awaking from your nightmares,
those hopes and thoughts
wich hurt this heart
must belong to the past.

Listen to the melodies of silence
awaking from your nightmares,
this silence can´t deny
the pain of those forgiven lies.

Listen to the melodies of silence
awaking from your dreams,
tomorrow will come with
the strenght of this love.

Listen to the melodies of silence.

No more fear will sleep inside you.

Listen to the melodies of silence.

Something to you

2008-12-07T22:38:00.003-05:00

" a candle for our love"

2008-06-16T22:41:00.000-04:00

(No memories)

2008-04-27T23:06:00.002-04:00

Everything must start now from zero.

Dead words

2008-04-18T00:21:00.008-04:00

The last bleeding rose has fade under tonight´s darkness
revealing the death of my unspoken thoughts.
Patiently, waiting the sacred peace inside,
I will acclaim to the moon all my lost dreams.

All the mysteries and lies between us obscured my soul
and this desperate anger is now burning my heart,
all my words are just in the past, like memories from nothing.

Some inner screams feed the suffering of this spirit,
the light that I´ve been waiting for,
extinguishes slowly just like my last breath.
Those remaining ashes are the epitome of
the painful closeness between love and hate.

Ashes

2008-04-15T00:46:00.008-04:00

I will never forget when the silence between us
was enough to hide the confusion inside my mind,
definitely some things must remain in secret
just like the words that you shouldn´t have said,
all my pitiful thoughts are only some coincidences
and still nothing after all your perfect words,
even so, they are resounding time after time
leaving my empty hands waiting for your caress,
and now, I just can imagine the pictures of some
ashes flying away to the wind. Ashes, just ashes.

Something about silence

2008-03-25T00:32:00.001-04:00

"There´s not much left to love
too tired today to hate..."
- the minute of decay.

I think there´s not too much to say
but there are a lot of words,
too many that I couldn´t say anymore.

(My mind is blank).

Eternal absence

2008-01-30T20:15:00.000-05:00

(Suddenly it happened, everything changed
and nothing will be like before,
how I wish to wake up, but I can´t).

My hands touching the wind
free to catch your essence and
the mysterious silence in your eyes
like the eternal stone under the breeze
predicted the extinction of the flames.

Thinking about forever
I´ll try to find the words
to silence the pain in my heart,
there´s only left to feel
the emptiness of your absence.

Some thorns tearing my breast,
deep inside the darkness
listening the melodies of loneliness
I´ll fall slowly into the everlasting
dream of melancholy, sorrow and regret.

Descriptions

2007-12-31T02:21:00.000-05:00

I. Descriptions

Something that I want to write but I can´t.
When came the ideas that time decided to forget?
I´ve trying to but, the truth... do you?

II. Fleeting happiness

Some time ago we decided to deceive ourselves,
lying to our hearts and hiding the truth.
Secrets inside - just appearances outside,
asked for everyone, except for you?
even so, I realized that I lied.

The fleeting happiness was the mirage
caused by the need of keeping on.
And then the words to share?
the promises to break?
everything falling to pieces
changing my mind, promising the truth.

Yours? the anger blinded me
I couldn´t see the real reason,
I didn´t try to understand the way you did.
That is your beautiful world.

III. Good bye, strangers

(This is my desperate moan
dedicated to all the masks I met)

The past will follow us until the day we die,
every change we have has his reason.
The dramatic night: the past lied to yours
the shadows of your needless euphoria
covered the last shine of your souls.

The past will weaken us until the day we die,
every fear we feel has his reason.
The dramatic decision: the past hurt you
your rose soon will be shriveled
and he won´t realize your death.

The past will teach us until the day we die,
every word we say has his reason.
The dramatic life: the past spoke
your present is just an illusion
later our words will come true.

IV. Hope - Tears to shed

I don´t want to think anymore,
just one instant and
all my words were silenced
by the hope in our hearts.

Maybe it exists, maybe some time
you had it, maybe you have it.
Protection - illusions
we don´t care about it,
some other letters must be written,
some other tears must be shed.

V. Yes, simple answer

My lie is over,
what can you see in my eyes now?

Epitome

2007-12-18T20:39:00.000-05:00

Memories.
"this the most beautiful and
the saddest landscape of the world..."

Run.
So frustated,
the sky turned into grey,
the last breath
and the rain sang the
secrets of his words.

Thoughts.
(Not clear yet)
Yes - No.
Simple question.

"Give us the strength to keep on".

Tic - tac

2007-12-15T18:46:00.000-05:00

Thinking (inevitable),
almost painful.

2007-12-09T14:51:00.000-05:00

I do, how I wish don´t,
even if you try,
sometimes you can´t forget.

Hidden in seconds is the answer,
hope you really understand.

The words they said

2007-12-01T22:56:00.000-05:00

Before I finish the next letter titled "Descriptions"
I want to share with my few readers these words that I´ve read or heard recently, some of them inspired the last letters, some others could be "descriptions", but those aren´t my own words, so I give them their own space:

"It´s too bad that love can´t be perfect,
but getting hurt is sometimes
part of loving another person,
and loving another person
is part of living life" - Risa, azulcosmos.blogspot.com

"They held each other and kissed
and pushed each others´
darkness into the corner,
believing in each others´ light
each other dreams" - Hubert Shelby Jr

"We lost something we didn´t have
because we gave it to someone
who didn´t need it" - WAVM.

"The most beautiful phrase
from the most sincere poet,
has only three words: I love u" - Anonimous

... and the last one for today, try to find the word
(especially those ones who have heard it)

"Those that everyone have,
that God wrote with his own
fist and letter in our foreheads:
HOPE"

Back to darkness

2007-09-29T14:08:00.000-04:00

Hang up the phone
and the history is different,
nothing can be like the perfect dream
definitively everything is
destinated to be a dark word.

After his walk through
the garden of roses
the man of light must die
bleeding his anger.

Yesterday, he forgot all the words
end everything seemed to be all right
just a perfect lie,
hear her voice changed all inside
feel like trapped in time,
in a beautiful world
only for her, not for him.

Four angels still cry
the lost of faith and light,
they shouldn´t hear this darkness
because they are all light,
the light his heart kept in a drawer.

And now the moon reveals
the mysteries of his sadness
those ones that are his secrets
those ones she inspired.

... believe he can sleep tonight,
covered with the darkness of his words,
holding a tear of light and faith.

Take a second

2007-09-01T16:24:00.000-04:00

Stop.
Close your eyes.
Take a second.
Think.
Open your eyes.
Go ahead.

(Thought, not spoken)

2007-08-18T17:48:00.000-04:00

Answers.

I always wrote to find a way out, that was the way to fight against my feelings. Is not a secret that everything I´ve written is intensily dramatic and depressive. That inner fight turned into an excesive dramatic scene. Fake poets need to feel the shadow´s embrace before they accept the real words.

Sitting alone, deep in the darkness, came the hurting words; those ones I wrote, those ones I feel sorry for. Maybe some words said too much, farther than reality. But, in that state, as more painful and sad was the word, more relief I felt. Thas was the way I supported, blaming destiny. I am the reponsible of my thoughts and they caused the pain I wanted to feel for allow illusions without true reasons.

I have had too much time to think about it, I am grateful for your words, do you remeber? a selfish person couldn´t have said the truth the way you did. Nobody else would have been so honest and lovely, like a warm hug of consolation. I could not bind your feelings, a casual yes may have been more painful, as you said- the higher you get, more sorrowful the fall- I just didn´t want another lie. (Thanks)

Maybe I don`t know the answers, but your way to be, your way to act, your way to think makes you an unique person. Too much I learned from you and I can say without any doubt that, my dear angel, you have the biggest and the most noble and sweet heart I´ve ever known. A true beauty inside and out.

Hate your words

2007-08-11T14:48:00.000-04:00

Today I hate your words
I hate what they mean,
I hate what you´ve screamed
if I had the chance
to fight whith somebody,
I´ll choose you.

Is hard to explain, but
all the anger comes from inside
those words never could be forgotten
our fight would be eternal, so
I just said: I hate your words.

The unclear worlds

2007-08-04T15:24:00.000-04:00

Those ones that I wouldn´t have said
between games they came out
and the situation was awkward
but that was the time...
the time to talk about the sick game

(The spark turned into flame... for one moment)

Last memories

2007-05-23T20:05:00.000-04:00

Looking the truth, I became a lie
maybe some secrets must remain in secret...

Message to keep on

2007-05-23T19:38:00.000-04:00

Do you believe in happy endings?
those ones in which they
are together forever?
In spite all that I´ve lived
I still believe in happy endings
and thats precisely what are
clamoring all of these words.

The fall of nemesis

2007-05-23T19:20:00.000-04:00

You´ve been telling the truth
to the people about their lives
but, have you ever thought
about all the lies around you?

Don´t tell anybody else
how does he must live,
until you begin to live your own life.
Don´t cry in the darkness
listening your sad song.
Don´t take the pencil to write
what could have been!

If nemesis has given advices
is time to believe them
and face the true world around
"what do i now?" and tears drops again
these words are taking you to the world
that is waiting to be conquered!

So... face forward and don´t forget:
we´re looking ahead until we die...

Start it all over again

2007-05-01T14:06:00.000-04:00

Is time to leave these feelings behind:

To the ghost of my past live
now you´re just one more
in the world of lies.

Eyes of life, you stopped
looking at me, and I won`t
see you anymore.

The angel of light, she has
brought darkness again
and her smile now is
another memorie to
keep in the past.

So, tomorrow I will
start it all over again.

My gift to you

2007-05-01T13:12:00.000-04:00

I

So, which is the song that
I must sing to you?
I`ve thinking about it,
there a lot of beatiful ones
but no one is enought to tell you.

So I prefer to write this one...
I don´t know how to begin
I have some ideas in my mind
I know many beautiful words
that i could write to you
but the first one cannot be pronounced.

All these days I´ve trying to
understand all your tears, but
I haven´t lived what you´ve lived
I just can tell you that everything
is going to be all right, don´t cry anymore.

II

Tonight some memories came to my mind
I believe that you also remember
the songs we´ve heard:
"if I lay here, would you lay here
and just forget the world?"
I would have forget it for you;
but while I was thinking in you
your heart was in other place.

I´ve told you about the irony of love
when would you look to my eyes?
when would you believe my truth?
girl of the beautiful smile, your song
sounded many time in my mind
buy sing it to you is so hard,
that i will give it up!
in stead of it all, I´ll keep the memories.

III

You and me, were so close
but you wanted to be far away,
now I feel so dumb, is it the new sunshine?
only the time could have told me.

There is a reason to keep living
yesterday I dreamed with
your soul flying to the sun
and every second behind it
the angel of light was taking care
and his hands won´t let you fall anymore.

IV

No one would sing this song
but it is my gift to you,
from my heart to yours.

The message i can´t forget

2007-03-09T16:48:00.000-05:00

God sends us angels who helps,
cares and guides us every day;
thanks for beeing my angel!

How to disappear completely and never be found?

2007-03-03T15:35:00.000-05:00

A long time has passed
but nothing has changed
it keeps killing me,
just one spark and everything
starts it all over again.

But you are different to me
you have never felt the pain
I have to recognize, is not your fault
and your life goes better yet
our ways were different...

What do I have to do?
my heart doesn´t understand
I denied the truth because of hope
hopeless every day is my cure
this isssue must be solved
don´t look to your eyes
forget all my illusions...
disappear completely and never be found.

Lies, hopes and tears

2007-03-03T15:30:00.000-05:00

(I)

Try to became somebody else
different soul inside the shell
epitome of evil into a model
the shape of her dreams
dancing with death
heaven and hell weren`t
enought to all this pain.

(II)

Inside her heart still breathes
the angel of light,
whose sword
I beg kill me,
hope so
die in the hands of her angel.

The road of our unfacedsouls

2007-01-08T23:10:00.001-05:00

What if I need to rest?
sometimes we need new ways
and now is my time to go
to the road of the unfacedsouls.

Hey! my friend don`t forget
how long is the road we`re in
say something to thier souls
help us and good luck.

Blue

2006-11-25T17:43:00.000-05:00

Blue is how I am feeling

some tears in my face

and scars in my heart

are the signs of my ilussion,

my lost ilussion.

Your hands over my face

your warm embrace

and your beautiful eyes

belong to my esteemed treasures.

Looking to the moon

I`ll see all my dreams

looking to the stars

I`ll see my dear angel

but looking to your eyes

I`ll feel all my pain.

Now, is hard to me

forget all those moments

which brought hope

to this love.

A new day has to come

but past flaming sparks

must remain until

my heart stops beating.

This is part of the history

the history of my pain

the reason of my tears

because I`m feeling blue.

my dear angel...

2006-10-13T17:19:00.003-04:00

... and thanks to you i die

To my dear angel

2006-10-12T20:29:00.000-04:00

Today I just want to say:
thank you!
thank you for exist,
thank you for beeing here,
thank you for your smile,
thank you for your hog,
thank you for your kiss.

Thanks to you I live,
thanks to you I dream,
thanks to you I smile,
thanks to you I love.

My dear angel...

Too dead to die

2006-07-22T20:21:00.000-04:00

Every day I`m more bored, yesterday I heard: "too dead to die", I`m feeling like that! I think this has no sense, I can`t believe that people around me don´t realize the true world we live. It`s very frustrating all this situation! I hope so one of these days they really open their eyes and look around them... hope so they can live ...

In this road

2006-05-14T16:41:00.000-04:00

Living in this road of lies,
realize that some people aren´t
what they seem to be, liars!

Living their lifes without any sense!
secret rooms of evil minds,
don´t you feel misery around you?
every day death`s behind you!
they won´t find mercy.

Are you one of those whose soul is unfaced?
whose way has no exit? whose life is a lie?

This is not the end

2006-05-01T15:29:00.000-04:00

And here we go again!
take this road with me,
lets see the faces crying,
find out a broken heart,
love causes the pain you see
but this road continues
dear, don´t give up
life will give us a second chance
believe me, this in not the end.

Reasons for you

2006-04-01T19:21:00.000-05:00

It´s sad to discover that sometimes we live in false ilusions,
Ithought that I could have another chance,
but this time it failed because I wanted to,
because I discovered all my false ilusions,
because you can´t lie yourself, because I´m noy ready yet.
Forgive me, please! I´m sorry but it wasn´t what I was expecting.

Only for your eyes

2006-02-12T18:28:00.000-05:00

(La dolorosa despedida)

I take this pencil once again
just to tell you about this novel
empty papers will testify that...

I played the game I´ve lost
I played with destiny
again, I´m defeated
but I still haven´t learned my lesson.

You must understand that
I was afraid. Too late,
you decided, I deserved it
then, I couldn´t accept
I told myself, it was because of lonely
now, somebody else will suffer because of you
because of me, because of destiny.

This writer is in problems
anybody else in this situation
won´t have a nice end
my eyes just saw what they wanted to see
what´s your predicament?
did I deserve at least one of your thoughts?
you deserved all of mimes.

Said, you need half hour to love or to hate a person...
I dont´t hate you, but everything is different
I still write to you because as I told you that night
... but you need all a life to forget somebody especial.

You were especial...

Simple ironía

2006-02-12T18:20:00.000-05:00

(Cuando la muerte se acerca)

Nosotros planeamos nuestra vidas hasta el final, pensando que llagaremos a ser viejos, pero somos conscientes que en cualquier momento vamos a morir. Que haremos ese momento? Aceptar que hasta ahí llegamos? Para que arriesgarse a planear nuestra vida si no sabemos si mañana viviremos. Por qué no gozamos cada instante de nuestra vida?

(Porque quizá no nos acordamos de la muerte a cada instante, por eso nuestra vida se llena de instantes insignificantes, por eso no los vivimos, porque nos dejamos engañar...)

Wake up

2006-02-12T18:16:00.000-05:00

In this life of suffering
you brought hope to my heart
thanks for being the person I waited for.

Who are you? Where are you?
I´m tired of being wating
please come to my life
this dream is ending.

I can´t lie anymore
stop imaging the beautiful world
reality is pain, lonely and death.

Secrets in time

2006-02-12T18:11:00.000-05:00

Face to face were we
silence just silence
hopeless was my heart
what did you feel?

Dark enigma is it
the secret would be
revealed by time.

Smile and revive me
a spark of hope
this poor love prisoner soul
needs to dream.

The day that I met you

2006-02-12T17:59:00.000-05:00

The day that I met you
my heart was dying
the day that I met you
my soul was crying
the day that I met you
I was lost in pain.

I walked across empty hallways
but you were here, I met you
I saw your pretty face
you looked like an angel.

I couldn´t say anything
just like now,
I should have screamed
you were the love of my life
but I just closed my eyes
and let you dissapear in time.

I wish to see you again
tell u´ how much I love you
since that day
you´ve been in my heart.

The day that I met you
my heart was alive again
the day that I met you
my soul was smiling
the day I met you
I fell in love.

Now, I walk across empty hallways
but it is different
you aren´t here.
that day I believed,
today I don´t
because you weren´t.

After I lost you

2006-02-12T17:50:00.000-05:00

You were so close to me
but I closed my eyes
I turned around, and
I let you go away.

I remember the last time
I saw your pretty face
now, I´m looking for you
but these places are empty.

Nobody can tell me
where can I find you
just because, I can´t
ask for your soul.

I only hope
your smile shine my heart
just for a second
I only hope
see your eyes
before my death.

Souless man

2006-02-12T17:44:00.000-05:00

Can you feel the ghost
that is behind you?
He´s been following you
all your life,
he is here right now
he is a black cloud.

What is he going to do?
maybe he is going to kill you.
Do you deserve to die?
I think you really do
I saw his face...
that was your face!
I realize, you are dead.
Where is your soul?
Why did you let it go away?

...

Beg for you

2006-02-12T17:30:00.000-05:00

Can you feel this?
wake up and find
fuching shit around you.

Always wanna die?
but you can´t
cuz, you are weak?
Always are you afraid?
Have you needed
more strength to live?

What do you feel know?
Can you feel the pain
inside your broken heart?

You are killing me,
love me. I love you.
Where are you?
Why are you so far away?

Please come with me,
please don´t leave me alone
come into my life
don´t make me wait for you
I am tired
I´ve been waiting too much
i wanna die, but i can´t
until you come with me.

I really need you...

Voices inside me

2006-02-12T17:17:00.000-05:00

Open your eyes once again
reborn to die at the end
wake up and fall away
just one more time.

Time has passed
that is something,
you can´t avoid
death is behind you
that ghost will always
follow you.

Kneel and pray forgiveness
¨you are guilty¨ I claim
¨i´m not¨ you said
but you know you are.

You have awaken and realized
that your soul has gone
now your life isn´t of you
you´ve killed yourself
I´m destroying your spirit
but you deserve more pain.

Now you are nothing
just a death man
I can see tears in your face,
it doesn´t change anything
it doesn´t fix things you did
you won´t have other chance
you are lost forever.

Listen to me: I´ll die with you
I know everything about you
I am your conscience.
Now it´s the end
we are death
we´ll rest in peace forever,
as you had whished.

Mercy

2006-02-12T17:14:00.000-05:00

Take my dirty hands
pitifully damaged
bloody machine
created to destroy.

Shame stained,
my wrists are chained and slitted
I´m ready to die
damned into a dark room
it´s over... good bye.

A song from my heart

2006-02-12T17:01:00.000-05:00

Here I am,
writting this letter
I think in my life
now, I´m alone
hope to find somebody
to don´t cry again.

I look the pictures in my mind
I can´t fix this problem
I want escape from this place
and shatter with the real world.

I feel so strange
I´m crazy, I´m different
my life is over
I don´t want to fall
please don´t leave me
please help me.

I have fallen, but
I´ve gotten up
now, I´m weak
I can´t stop this
you have created
pain inside me.

Sometimes, I feel bad
I feel like a piece of shit
the shit of the world
that wants to see my fall.

I feel that I´m dead
because you killed me
with your damn love
that takes me to hell.

I need yor love
cuz´ I´m alone
I want to cry
but I can´t
my eyes are closed
and my heart is broken.

I asked for a word
I searched your face
I found your spirit
but you had gone.

I´m tired. I´m dying
love is not for me
my love is for you
open your eyes
and realize the world
that´s hurting me.

Want to

2006-02-12T16:58:00.000-05:00

I don´t wanna hear your voice
I don´t wanna see your eyes
I don´t wanna feel your skin
I only wanna love you.

Empecemos...

2006-02-12T16:53:00.000-05:00

Bueno, lo que escriba desde ¨Want to¨ hasta ¨Only for your eyes¨ originalmente fue escrito entre el 2001 y el 2004, considero que es mejor comenzar con lo que ya se ha dicho...
personalmente, ahora esos escritos no me gustan tanto, deberia mejorarlos...